Self Manage For Success
How we talk to ourselves, the mental chatter that keeps us company can sometimes feel like an unwelcome relative visiting our home. Our thoughts impact how we feel,
perceive, act, and react to whatever shows up in our lives.
However, most of us have a view that our mood, feelings or actions are caused by what is going on in our world. “I’m not sleeping well because my Manager is concerned about my directness with colleagues”. What we think can often feel like automatic thoughts, unless we stop and focus on them. These thoughts don’t sit idly; they have consequences.
When a negative event happens, you can interpret it positively or negatively. How you interpret it affects how you feel, think and behave.
Situation One – Negative Perspective
A – Your colleague criticises you
B – You think: “Why are people so negative to me all the time. Perhaps I am just not good enough to do this job”
C – You feel upset and sad all day.
The “B” may or may not be true. Here is another possibility.
Situation Two – Positive Perspective
A - Your colleague criticises you
B – You think: “I wasn’t aware I was doing that. Now that I know I can make some changes that will benefit me.”
C – You feel pretty good about what happened
How do you find a positive perspective more often?
- Use the A(Adversity), B (Belief), C (Consequence) - Cognitive Behavioural model to focus on your thoughts, behaviours and emotions:
- Write down what your adversity or issue is
- Identify your unhelpful belief e.g. “People must treat me fairly”
- How does this make you feel or act?
- Dispute your belief and create a new positive belief: “Fairness is subjective and perhaps they are treating me in the best way they know how to”
- Write down what the new positive consequence for you – your new positive feelings and behaviours
Using the ABC model regularly when you feel concerned, stressed or anxious will help you to become aware of your “negative automatic thoughts” and “irrational beliefs”. It has the power to transform your negative perspectives or concerns.
Finally, take a moment and consider…
“Are you in charge or are you just a host to your thoughts?”
